WHEN "HOME" HURTS
By Jann Mitchell

Life seemed good when Paula Lucas married her exotic Palestinian husband. But when they moved to his Middle East home, life suddenly changed. Repeatedly, Paula sought help for herself and her three sons from the American Embassy and various domestic violence agencies back in the U.S., but the terror and abuse continued.

Desperate and afraid for her life, Paula finally found the place her husband had hidden their passports and fled home to the U.S. with her boys and one suitcase while he was away on business.

Aware that she wasn't the only American abroad who faced domestic violence far from home, Paula founded the American Domestic Crisis Line, an international, toll-free domestic crisis line. Since 1999, the non-profit organization (with Yoko Ono donating the first $25,000) has helped hundreds of women world-wide get counselling, return to the U.S., obtain safe transitional housing and secure legal counselling with initial fees paid.

The "lifeline of hope" hotline is based in Portland, Oregon. Reach it by dialing 866USWOMEN, emailing help@866-uswomen.org. or accessing the website at www.866uswomen.org. All information and correspondence is confidential. The website gives the AT&T access number from the country in which you live so you can access the toll-free number.

Half their clients are Americans living in Europe, according to staff members Whitney Zeigler and Hannah Bohart, who presented a workshop at the March 2006 FAWCO conference in Berlin. Some 18 percent live in Asian or North or South America, and 14 percent live in the Middle East. Most are married to foreign nationals, and the majority leave seven or eight times until they escape the violence for good.

While domestic abuse is frightening anywhere, women living abroad often don't speak the language, lack nearby emotional support and have no money of their own. Abuse can be physical (hitting and threatening with weapons), emotional (insulting you, yelling, blaming), and social (putting you down, demanding all your attention, isolating you from friends or activities). There's also sexual abuse (jealousy, forcing sex), economic (forbidding the children passports so you can't take them, keeping you from obtaining a work permit or learning the language) and spiritual (ridiculing your beliefs, denying your value as a person).

If you know of someone who is being abused, the women advise: "Listen to your friend, be supportive. Believe her. Reinforce that she IS a good person, and can get help."